Is this goodbye?

I tell myself it can’t be as I lie awake, staring at black air and white plaster that’s keeping me from my best friends, senior prom and the graduation I’ve always dreamed of having.

Although the final moments I shared with a class I wasn’t yet prepared to part with were both unexpected and unwanted, it’s been the firsts, rather than the lasts that have defined my time spent as a Xavier Saint.

From my first high school football game to first kiss, I fell into a world I never thought would be mine. 

I laughed, a lot, stayed up late studying and completing assignments and met countless new faces I will never forget. 

Somehow, these typical recurrences and encounters have turned into some of the most memorable moments of my life.

Over the past two years, I’ve completed over 45 pieces for The Xpress as a result of being inspired by Syd Walther’s, Mrs. Kellie Wagner’s and Mrs. Jenny Augustine’s rare ability to both see and describe the world so beautifully. 

I’ve shared with you my brokenness, journey to find healing and time spent growing, but most importantly, I’ve shown you how I’ve learned to love. 

I often feel the pressure to write perfect columns regarding the most intimate and vulnerable parts of me, yet lately I’ve realized that one cannot spend their entire lifetime waiting to find all the right words. 

In doing so, I’ve created a void, one in which I avoid at all costs. For deep down I know that once I choose to finally acknowledge it, I’ll be forced to accept that all good things must come to an end.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve never stopped searching for the right words to describe this moment and yet somehow it’s finally here and I still don’t have them.